I know I know, I am not supposed to eat anything oily when I am shick (sick is spelled wrong intentionally because I feel like it). But hey, what is the catch phrase nowadays?
That's right folks! You Only Live Once! Not twice, not thrice but one miserly time! So life is too short to eat prata with yummy chicken inside another day. Like who knows, I might get knocked down (choy choy touch wood touch wood) one day before I even eat the yummilicios prata with chicken.
Or maybe chickens dominated the world and cook humans instead. =snivells= (I think there is no such word, but whatever)
Lord I love the person who came up with this "You-only-live-once" thing. My whole point of view changed so much after hearing that, and each time I am sad, I am stressed, I am angry, I think of YOLO!!! and feel happier instantly. :D
For example if you are really really stressed over your exams, or you are so upset with your recent exam scores that you feel like you are going to suicide, think this way:
|yes I actually bothered to draw it out for you guys, I am so nice.|
So do you feel like your problem is so much smaller instantly?
Okay actually ever since Secondary Three, I am happy and cheerful 95% of the time. The other 5% I am usually unhappy because of:
1. Horrible exam scores (i.e. anything less than an A2)
2. No meat for two consecutive meals
3. Horrible food/ no food for very long
4. When I feel like Sophia is daoing me/ Sophia is irritated with me and I don't know why and don't dare to offend her further
5. When I have nightmares (which is quite often) about my P6 classmates
Anyway I get over all these like super quickly. Maybe you want to try out my methods of being super duper happy all the time?
1. Tell yourself, "Nobody, nothing can affect my mood! If I am happy, I will stay that way!" Yup! I think it works superrrrr well! Like really!
Like that time when I told you all my P.E. teacher called me "bimbotic" and said that I "spoke without thinking", I was bloody offended because 1. I am not a bimbo, 2. what is she implying? that I am dumb? Ha! I am pretty sure I have more brain cells that all the cells in her/him added together. And you can read the post here. Okie dokie. :D
2. If you are angry with somebody, there are two things you can do to make yourself feel better.
(a) If you are angry during the quarrel/squabble:
Imagine the person as the fruit/ animal you hate most or think is the ugliest, like maybe for me I think durians are unimaginably ugly. They are so horny. AND pun intended :D. And imagine the person getting chopped up into little pieces. Teeeheee. :D
(b) Angry after the squabble/ because of something someone said
- Say to yourself, "I shall not waste my energy getting angry over a slimy earthworm!" ten times. Don't like earthworms? Well, the huge range of bugs are at your disposal!
- Imagine the person falling into a drain and not being able to get out. :D This is the best man! OMG. But something better is coming up.
- Draw the person on a little piece of paper, then crumple it! I imagine that this will give the person the much feared wrinkles, MUAHAHAHAHA. :D
3. Okies, if you are very very stressed about something, you can try thinking like me! Which is also known as self-delusionment or stress-relievement whatever, it is your choice!
I was stressed over block tests on Tuesday night. Then I told myself, I am going to have exams all my life in school! Am I going to cry or get stressed or lose my sleep over everyone of them? NO WAY! So I shall be super happy, do my best and heck the rest! :D See point 1! :D
4. Allow yourself to be mad happy/ high/ super grateful over little little things
For me, it is always food. Whenever I eat something I love, I will be in a super duper awesome mood for the rest of the day even though the food is long long digested and has been shitted? shat? shit? shitten? away. Like that yummy gummy prata with chicken fillings!
You all should buy it. It is in Jurong Point, on the same level as Crystal Jade Restaurant, close to the knitting shop, you know at the large kopitiam like place. It is the stall next to the corridor leading to the toilet. Yes, and the persons selling it is such a cheerful China guy. And quite funny too!
Like today i told him that I wanted the prata wrap thing, he pronounced "prata" as "paaaata?" and it was so funny teeeeheeee -sniggers-. But he is so nice so I shall not laugh at him. :D Teeeeheee Paaaataaa! :D
Okays that is about it though.
On a totally irrelevant note, Mr Tan (my chem/ form teacher) is totally cute because he keeps using "okie" in smses instead of the usual "okay". I mean can you imagine such a handsome buff man saying "okie" in the chirpy little tone? Well I can't. >.< Boohoos. Yes yes Mr Tan is awesome.
Oh yeah I did say I was going to air my opinions on the types of wives/ girlfriends right? But how leh, I lost a bit of mood on that topic, so maybe I won't be so detailed. I shall just tell you all what kind of girlfriend is the most irritating one bahhs.
Top irritating kind of girl will fit at least 4 of the following criteria:
- SMS the boyfriend non-stop. Stop behaving like you are the only one with a boyfriend, because if that is the case, human species are bloody going extinct.
- Call the boyfriend cringy nicknames on social networks or in public (which includes: honey, darling, dear dear, boy boy, yadda yadda. If I am the boy, I will freaking slap you and break up with you, good riddance. You make me look freaking retarded.)
- Post 12423562645143 pictures of herself and her boyfriend on facebook with emo/lovesick captions and expect the boyfriend to like it, comment on it that he loves her whatever. -pukes-
- Get super jealous over little things and throw a big fuss. Please dump her. I hate people who make a mountain out of a anthill.
- Become all possessive and says that the guy is hers. I suspect that some guys like that. Okay if you like it, then maybe you really like being possessed and god knows what will possess you next. -creepy thingy floats around- But, in my eyes, possessive girls are no no. Let's be xiao sha, shall we not!
- Shai En Ai, aka sunbathing their love. Like we all geddit, you have a boyfriend, but why am I getting tormented over your lovey dovey mushy convos on Facebook? You do know that whatever nonsense you all post are all on the newsfeed, not to mention if you keep commenting and commenting and suddenly your rubbish of a convo become the top news feed and everyone gets herpes from reading it. Yuk.
- Becomes emoshit or super emo-nemo and keep posting statements like, "I miss how we used to be." and "I miss him" and expect people to waste 3seconds of their lives to type in comments like, "It is okay, you will meet someone who cherish you." Well you WILL NOT. Unless you stop being so irritating. I quote from Xiaxue, "People who live their lives for their husbands (and boyfriends, I may so add) have no life." And no one in the right mind will ever want to date a potential zombie.
If you are a girl and you feel offended by any of the above, then you are probably doing it.
If you are a guy and you feel offended, then you might very well be the very annoying boyfriend. Cough.
So why do I know so much? I have a primary school friend who got herself a boyfriend in secondary school, and for this period of time, her lovey dovey photos were everywhere. (she fits almost all the criteria above)
Then guess what?
YES!!!! The emo statuses came and killed everyone reading it. Which is actually quite a pleasant change for moi coz I puked up almost all my innards and the only thing left was my humongo tummy which I intended to keep! :D
I was feeling secretly glad and happy that she got dumped. Teehees."OH YOU ARE SO MEAN!"
Wooo! Your intellect increased! That's right I am mean! What are you? Mr Bean?
Alright that was plain lame. Someone get me a pair of crutches please.
My goal is that I will not get involved in any wishy washy relationships in JC. No I will not. =nods head hard= I shall be very very focused. Hmmmps.
And what a long post this is.
You all must comment more kay! I am very very sure that a lot of people read my blog by now because I was out the whole morning and when I turned on the computer and checked, I had like 50 views already (okay okay, I know 50 is not a lot, but I appreciate all my readers.) It cannot just be the four known people (who told me they read this) who very boliao and keep refreshing and refreshing to make it look like I have a lot of views right?
Anyway I think that this post is well-written! I am not sorry for anything that has offended anyone (because XX says that we don't have to be) and also because if you are offended, then you have a "qi-liang" of this:
|Mr Sperm sends his greeting.|
Okay my point is, you guys and girls should all comment because technically I am a writer too and your comments will keep me motivated to write nice long posts like this which are super nice to read right? If you all don't comment then I assume that no one reads this, and me gets sad and me shall type like this: "tOdAy I sAw a SpErM WhALe, It iS vElLy BiG." which is super irritating and hard to read and type right!
So don't be a selfish crayfish and comment! You read all these awesome posts and refuse to pay up with just comments! That is just so lean-mean-bean! D: And I shall proceed to shed a few tears for the dramatic effect. :D
Kay that's all. My fingers are turning black from all the yucky dust from the keyboard.
Sponsor me a keyboard, anyone? :)