Weather: Wet & Gloomy, but I like it, fits my mood
Mood: Terrible and morbid
I think I would start with today first and then backtrack all the way to the second day (which was also pretty horrible) of orientation.
In summary, today is a terrible terrible day, and I have the feeling that more of such days are going to come unless I choose to do either of the following two things:
- I accept that things cast in stones cannot be changed, so I might as well change myself and my thinking.
- I accept that the things cannot be changed, and therefore sink myself into a state of withdrawal and isolation from everyone.
So you wonder what made me so grim and sad. This morning I was still feeling relatively cheerful because I was so glad that I finally got out of my awkward OG (awkward only for me can?) and into a new, and hopefully better, class. Well, all the OG activities and bonding did stop, but my class (in general, no specific discomforts) felt even worse than my OG teammates.
Now I see why they say that your OG teammates might be the people that you are closest to next to your secondary school friends.
In case anyone from my class is reading this, I am so sorry guys, I am born like that. I can't adapt well to changes, nor am I one of those extremely sociable and sunny people around new people that I have never seen before in my life and feel tremendously afraid of. After I knew my class allocation, I was really just like, let me die, let me die, someone please tell me this is a nightmare!
I never thought I will say this, but Oh GOD! I miss my OG teammates so much that it has become this weird achy feeling that gnaws at me, chanting, "We can't go back! We can't go back! No going back!" You can imagine how bad it is for me to re-adapt again to a new group of people just when I got over my initial apprehension of my OG teammates. I think I have been put under so much emotional stress these days from meeting new people, trying to know who they are and all.
In fact, it was such a shaking experience for me that I almost even missed the "Empty Vessel" in my OG as I so aptly name him, because he was so noisy and irritating and all, but oh my, I would do anything for a bit of the noise today. In fact, I won't even mind if he decided to take his revenge and dump water on everyone, so long as I could stay in my OG. At the hindsight, everyone (mainly the boys, because I don't know them and hence see no faults) was so darn awesome in my OG. I can't believe that I am wishing that Zhi Yu, Johrathon, Daoming, Miselle, Claire and of course Delphine to all be in my class. I was so fond of Miselle and Claire because we had gotten pretty close in the few days and I really really liked them both, and guess what? Miselle and Claire are in the SAME class! Omg, I would do anything to be in their class!
Too bad, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
To be fair, there is this one person in my class that I am getting really fond of, because she is not loud or pushy, and basically she doesn't do anything that annoys me. In fact okay, I like this other person too, called Tan Min, I think? She is very friendly and sweet during the dance today which I screwed up (duh). Okay okay, I guess the one from Zhong Hwa (sorry if spelt wrongly) is pretty okay too, because I like the way she handles things, it makes me feel like I can just silently retreat to the back and make myself invisible.
I met Leon during one of the games, and I was all like, "How is your CT group?" and he said that they are pretty good. I found it hard to believe because, well, Leon is one of the really kind people who has no complains of anything even if that thing is killing him. Then I told him that I didn't feel very good in my class, and he was like,"You go appeal to change classes lar!" and I was asking how, and he said I just had to tell my CT teacher. But I didn't want to do that because she was so sweet and I was afraid that her feelings would be hurt and Leon was funny, saying, "WHO CARES?" Haha, awesome Leon is awesome.
Why can't I have Leon in my class eh? Rawr.
Okay, let's not be greedy and ask for Leon to be in my class, let's say that any of the below people would actually do (Names are all in codes):
- Nubbi
- Atom
- BL
- YK Cheryl
Yet, none of them are.
Sad.
This is so damn freaking sad.
Oh and I can't of promised myself that I would stop saying "Damn" and "Shit" because one morning, I woke up and realized that those two words sound pretty crude.
So before I get all suicidal about my class, I tried my best to comfort myself in a variety of ways, which includes no less than, optimism, optimism and more optimism.
Optimism is so rare in me that if I were a glass and optimism were water, you have to tilt the glass to see even one drop of it.
So here are the fruits of my optimism:
- It could have been worse. While I didn't get any good friends in my class, I could have gotten primary school classmates that I disliked/hated in my class, and for that, I shall be superbly grateful.
- Only 3 guys in my class which is pretty okay apart from the fact that I actually don't really like females because since primary school, I was under the impression that girls love to clique together and talk about others. I like to clique with people I like and talk, but with strangers, erm...a bit awkward. But then too many boys are troublesome too, I have no idea why, my subconsciousness says it.
- If I don't like/have anyone in my class, it means that I have less of an obligation to feel all warm and homey with them all, and that means that I can focus on the real important task on hand, my exams which is the most important, isn't it?
- Since Fate has arranged for me to be in this class, there must be a meaning for it. Maybe I should consider outcasting myself so that I can be independent and undistracted like HQ. Though I am not as brilliant as her, I do think that I can still stay afloat.
I know that there are a few more arguments I had with myself to make myself better, but I can't remember those, so too bad.
And you think that my mom would be sympathetic. She was all neutral and went like, "You can't choose everything in life." instead of listening to me wail about my day. Next time when she complains about not striking the lottery, I am going to return the phrase to her, hehe.
I WANT MY OG TEAMMATES!
Oh-my-god, I feel so sorry for myself.
Okay Okay I shall not think about it.
Rawr my sprained toe hurts so bad, and I feel feverish and sick.
Btw, just as I was starting to miss my OG people, I saw all their Whatsapp messages, and apparently they don't like their CT classes too, but then as usual, I always get daoed on my Whatsapp messages, so I was slightly less fond of them as I imagined myself to be. (This sentence is really convoluted but I really can't be bothered haha.) They were all like, "I MISS MY OG!!!" which I sort of agreed with till I remembered that I was transparent in my group. Okay it was not just me, it was really this group of us who don't hobo on our whatsapp 24/7, which included:
Btw, just as I was starting to miss my OG people, I saw all their Whatsapp messages, and apparently they don't like their CT classes too, but then as usual, I always get daoed on my Whatsapp messages, so I was slightly less fond of them as I imagined myself to be. (This sentence is really convoluted but I really can't be bothered haha.) They were all like, "I MISS MY OG!!!" which I sort of agreed with till I remembered that I was transparent in my group. Okay it was not just me, it was really this group of us who don't hobo on our whatsapp 24/7, which included:
- Me
- Miselle
- Dol
- Claire
- Shannen
RAWR I WANT MISELLE, DOL, CLAIRE AND SHANNEN IN MY CLASS! They are such sweet, quiet and lovely people. Tsk. But on the brighter side, I do like this classmate of mine that lives in Clementi, she is super sweet and nice. :3
Orientation Day 3 (Yesterday)
Weather: Heavy Downpour, is this a good sign?
Mood: Pretty wonderful.
Ha, now I am laughing at how I was full of grumbles of yesterday.
Maybe if I had blogged about yesterday yesterday, then I would have been so much more whiny. Now I have truly understood the phrase, "Don't start to appreciate something only after you have lost it." I would in fact do anything for yesterday to come back, but too bad, unlike Harry Potter, history, or good history, at least, does not repeat itself. Bad ones have the uncanny ability to do so though, strange.
Yesterday was really quite fun actually. Like usual we had all the games and stuff which were boring compared to Day 2 games, but still play nevertheless if I look past all the times I volunteered (because nobody else did) and embarrassed myself. Now you see why I have so much reservations about volunteering myself at games.
SODACHE yesterday was the best out of the three days because I had an awesome dance partner who was totally non-awkward and so I was non-awkward. He was generous because the first time we were supposed to Hi-Ten each other, I was zoning out into my own world and didn't noticed, so his hands that were held out went unnoticed. So bad of me right, and so awkward for him. Luckily, I noticed it and apologized for spacing out and he was like, "No it's alright." (sounds like Phie is channeling her energy into some other people!)
And unlike the other people, he actually bother to hold your hands properly which make it non-awkward because if you are one of those guys that go like: hands out, hands in, hands out again uncertainly, finally decided not to offer your partner hands/ hold the tip of her finger like she has some germs or something, then you are actually making everything awkward.
I think at some point of time, I vaguely recalled hitting someone hard in the chest because of my flailing tentacles, and I was asking him if it was him that I hit, and he said no, don't worry, it wasn't. But then again, you can't be sure because he might be saying that out of pure kindness of his heart.
My partner name? Eh? Uh....Oh shucks I really don't know. Oops. I will try to do a Facebook Roll later to see if I can find. But come to think of it, I can't even remember the face, oh-my.
[Update: I just did a Facebook roll and the person should be called Nicholas if I am not wrong.]
[Update: I just did a Facebook roll and the person should be called Nicholas if I am not wrong.]
We had games together as an OG9 till 6.40 pm yesterday before going out for dinner at Bukit Timah Plaza at an Italian Restaurant. The "Murderer" Game, Round 2, was AWESOME partially because I was one of the murderers and I managed to kill a good amount of people before I was caught by the detective.
I am amazed at my own discreet skills of murdering.
One way to be a good murderer is to always look surprised and scared when someone dies, so that nobody gets suspicious of your stoic face. Also, you can't look tense while killing people or it would be a big giveaway. If you held hands in front, then DON'T squeeze too hard or it is bloody obvious that you are killing people. Oh yes, and one more skill is that you can always look at each and everyone of the players' held hands, as though trying to figure out where the squeezes are coming from. :D
That game was so fun.
After that we played "MRT" which is not a very good game for me, because I already told you guys that I have poor memory and poor me had to remember my own station on top of everyone else's, so I ended up forgetting everything and getting slapped on my legs A LOT.
In the first round, I was wondering why everyone was picking ulu MRT stations so brilliant me decided that I had to be smart, and to be different, so I picked ORCHARD. That turned out bad because Orchard is so easy to remember and whenever I am zoning off by myself, people will go "ORCHARD!!!!"
I will kindly count for you the number of seconds for me to respond:
- 2 seconds to realize that MY station is being called
- 4 seconds of absolute confusion and blank memory
- 2 seconds of having nothing but the word "ORCHARD!" in my head
- 3 seconds to think of a station to call out
YES. SO I GET WHACKED FOR 11 SECONDS BEFORE THE WHACKING STOPS. I had blood clots on my legs from all the whacking, tsk.
And the point is, despite all my efforts to remember one single station, the moment my station is called, my mind goes BLANK and I can't think of anything because I am panicking and my whole head is like:
Orchard.
Orchard.
Orchard.
Orchard.
Orchard.
Orchard.
Orchard.
I remember this once, I shouted out "Chinese Garden" or "Chinatown" (I was so sure that someone could have been that station) and everyone was like "HUH? THERE IS NO SUCH STATION!" before they burst out laughing and went back to whacking me on the legs. That was pretty embarrassing in a funny way.
The second round, I became smart, so I chose "Somerset". But everyone was smarter and they remember stations that were WAY more obscure, like:
- Nicole Highway (or something)
- One-North
- HAR PAR VILLA (HAHA I LOVE CALLING THIS!!!)
- 2-South (or something)
Okay so in the end I got whacked a lot...
Afterwards we went for our OG Dinner at Bukit Timah Plaza, it was raining very heavily and most of the boys ran in the rain to the plaza, while two of them were laughed at because they used umbrellas. Personally I didn't see anything wrong with umbrellas, but I guess the society nowadays is all about jumping on the bandwagon and being identical copies of each other so as not to stand out.
We went to this Italian restaurant called Seiziriya or something, can't remember so well, and the food there is pretty okay, except that it makes you full VERY easily. I had this small platter of baked rice with bacon and pineapple and I almost couldn't finish it.
I like the sofa seats, it was so comfortable that I was almost nodding off after the meal, but then I guess that would make me look like the anti-social person that I actually am, so I keep texting Phie and praying that she would text back quickly so that I have something to occupy me with.
Oh yes, by the way, I sat beside Nigel or somethingone (he kept calling himself zhiyu, which made me all puzzled as to why someone would go for a Chinese name when you can be called so comfortably as Nigel).
Out of common politeness, he asked for my name when I was texting, so I promptly forgot what it was that I wanted to type while replying, and out of common politeness to (since I already said I cannot remember names) I asked back, and he said his Chinese name and he told me he was the OGR which I was like *tried to think very hard* and went like "Oh yeah yes you were, right right." without really remembering.
I guess I sounded really fu2yan3.
Later out of politeness again, I asked if his subcom was PCME (aren't guys are all like PCME) and he was like "No no! Bio!" and I suddenly remembered that he was the one who asked the boys to girls ratio in Bio and people were like 6:17 and he was so happy because he can change one girlfriend for everyday of the week. Funny joke, but...
Boys. T__T
You would think that they should be worried about passing Promos and stuff like I am (fyi, my whole mind is all "PASS EXAMS PASS EXAMS!" everyday) and all they care is to have fun while they can.
Oh yes, and apparently my poor memory enabled me to ask that same person if he was from HCI and he was like *shake head shake head* and Dol was like, "He is from Maris Stella lar you." and I remembered that I actually did remember seeing someone in bright yellow Maris Stella shirt in my group, but had no idea that it was him.
Why do all the boys look all the same eh? QAQ
The boys had fun mixing this disgusting drink where they mixed in ALL AVAILABLE drinks along with chilli sauce, coffee, grated cheese, chilli flakes and all and I was happily laughing at the people drinking it, till I lost the game and...
WHAMMM!
I had to drink it.
Oh.
My.
God.
Admittedly, the taste wasn't the worse thing, but the smell was so gross and pungent and repulsive that before I even took a sip, I wanted to die from the smell. That was the worst thing ever, and I bet all the girls and the BOYS were feeling sorry that I had to drink it, because they were all shouting random bits of advice like:
Afterwards we went for our OG Dinner at Bukit Timah Plaza, it was raining very heavily and most of the boys ran in the rain to the plaza, while two of them were laughed at because they used umbrellas. Personally I didn't see anything wrong with umbrellas, but I guess the society nowadays is all about jumping on the bandwagon and being identical copies of each other so as not to stand out.
We went to this Italian restaurant called Seiziriya or something, can't remember so well, and the food there is pretty okay, except that it makes you full VERY easily. I had this small platter of baked rice with bacon and pineapple and I almost couldn't finish it.
I like the sofa seats, it was so comfortable that I was almost nodding off after the meal, but then I guess that would make me look like the anti-social person that I actually am, so I keep texting Phie and praying that she would text back quickly so that I have something to occupy me with.
Oh yes, by the way, I sat beside Nigel or some
Out of common politeness, he asked for my name when I was texting, so I promptly forgot what it was that I wanted to type while replying, and out of common politeness to (since I already said I cannot remember names) I asked back, and he said his Chinese name and he told me he was the OGR which I was like *tried to think very hard* and went like "Oh yeah yes you were, right right." without really remembering.
I guess I sounded really fu2yan3.
Later out of politeness again, I asked if his subcom was PCME (aren't guys are all like PCME) and he was like "No no! Bio!" and I suddenly remembered that he was the one who asked the boys to girls ratio in Bio and people were like 6:17 and he was so happy because he can change one girlfriend for everyday of the week. Funny joke, but...
Boys. T__T
You would think that they should be worried about passing Promos and stuff like I am (fyi, my whole mind is all "PASS EXAMS PASS EXAMS!" everyday) and all they care is to have fun while they can.
Oh yes, and apparently my poor memory enabled me to ask that same person if he was from HCI and he was like *shake head shake head* and Dol was like, "He is from Maris Stella lar you." and I remembered that I actually did remember seeing someone in bright yellow Maris Stella shirt in my group, but had no idea that it was him.
Why do all the boys look all the same eh? QAQ
The boys had fun mixing this disgusting drink where they mixed in ALL AVAILABLE drinks along with chilli sauce, coffee, grated cheese, chilli flakes and all and I was happily laughing at the people drinking it, till I lost the game and...
WHAMMM!
I had to drink it.
Oh.
My.
God.
Admittedly, the taste wasn't the worse thing, but the smell was so gross and pungent and repulsive that before I even took a sip, I wanted to die from the smell. That was the worst thing ever, and I bet all the girls and the BOYS were feeling sorry that I had to drink it, because they were all shouting random bits of advice like:
- Don't smell it!
- Drink through the straw!
- Just a small sip will do!
- Hold your breath.
Till I took a small sip and YAY finally ordeal over.
Side effects of the drink: I felt confused and disoriented for the next 10 minutes and couldn't remember where I was and who I was.
Afterwards, some more things happened and I left early with Dol and Miselle, right after Claire left. Quite fun a day, and if I knew what was coming to me on CT grouping day, I would have cheerfully drank more of the disgusting concoction so long as I could stay in my OG (even if I am pretty invisible, but I am used to being invisible, so that doesn't affect me).
Okay admittedly, there were A LOT OF embarrassing moments, but I happily told myself that no one remembers me anyway, so who cares? Maybe after two months or something, I see a OG person from my group without knowing that he is from my OG and we happily talk like:
"HI!"
"What OG are you from?"
"Oh I am from OG9!"
"Really? Me too!"
"Hey how come I don't remember you?"
"Oh I was under my invisibility cloak all the time!"
Awesome.
So I won't exactly worry about my worries till they are worth me worrying.
Orientation Day 2
Day 2 wasn't a good day, mainly because my partner and I were so fail at SODACHE that it was embarrassing and terrible.
I can't remember much about others, so skip skip!
*end of post, haha!*
Side effects of the drink: I felt confused and disoriented for the next 10 minutes and couldn't remember where I was and who I was.
Afterwards, some more things happened and I left early with Dol and Miselle, right after Claire left. Quite fun a day, and if I knew what was coming to me on CT grouping day, I would have cheerfully drank more of the disgusting concoction so long as I could stay in my OG (even if I am pretty invisible, but I am used to being invisible, so that doesn't affect me).
Okay admittedly, there were A LOT OF embarrassing moments, but I happily told myself that no one remembers me anyway, so who cares? Maybe after two months or something, I see a OG person from my group without knowing that he is from my OG and we happily talk like:
"HI!"
"What OG are you from?"
"Oh I am from OG9!"
"Really? Me too!"
"Hey how come I don't remember you?"
"Oh I was under my invisibility cloak all the time!"
Awesome.
So I won't exactly worry about my worries till they are worth me worrying.
Orientation Day 2
Day 2 wasn't a good day, mainly because my partner and I were so fail at SODACHE that it was embarrassing and terrible.
I can't remember much about others, so skip skip!
*end of post, haha!*
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