20 Reasons Why Fifty Shades Trilogy Is Not Nice

Book Review

Fifty Shades Trilogy, originally a fanfic of....Twilight. .__.

Can I just call this a (requested) book review? Since the pdf of the books were sent to be to be read and this was requested to be reviewed, and saying that it is requested does make me less pervertic, no?

The Fifty Shades Trilogy includes:

• Fifty Shades of Grey
• Fifty Shades Darker
• Fifty Shades Freed

I shall now tell you TWENTY reasons why this book is not something you want to spend hours reading:

1. Salacious, salacious, sardonic, sardonic, salacious and more SARDONIC. All the time. Throughout the whole book it seemed like everyone was salacious or sardonic at some point of time. So you ask, what exactly is salacious? Salacious has a sexual reference, something like leering (according to dictionary). Sardonic just mean sarcastic. So why no switch out the sardonic for a good dash of SARCASTIC?
2. Ana and Christian cannot hold a proper conversation with each other without end up shagging. Which is entirely unbelievable, irritating and unhealthy. When they quarrel, SUDDENLY electricity charged between them, arhhh they become hyper aware of each other, yay we are all aroused, and SHAG. Seriously? Everything ends up with them in bed, whether it is quarrel, fight, argument or just having lunch.
3. The irritating MURMURING and WHISPERING. Christian and Ana do not talk at the right volume----they murmur half the time, growl the other half, moan and groan the rest of the time. Let's put this across, I hate people who murmur.
4. The sex scenes are dead boring, after the first 2 or 3. I yawned at each one and flip through them at the speed of lightning.
5. In Fifty Shades Darker, the sex scenes were hilarious. Boathouse? No problem! Ceremony with everyone around? Yeah! Bring it on!
6. "When I woke up in the morning, Christian was wrapped around me like a vine/ivy" This sentence was repeated at least million over times in the course of the 3 books. What happened to creativity?
7. Oh~~~ my Fifty Shades. My poor Fifty Shades. That is just plain irritating whenever Ana does that.
8. Shades, shades, shades. Christian is fifty shades of grey. Ana is what? 10 shades of red? Have her done 7 shades of Sunday? Everything also have some reference to shades.
9. These books, in short, are book porn. And I just tainted my mind further by reading it.
10. Whenever I get excited over some emotional parts between Ana and Grey like in Darker, where Christian knelt and begged her not to leave, WAAAAAAAAHHHBAAAAM! They are aroused and went off to have sex. Whenever I am happy that they are finally communicating, they are whispering and going like, "I can take you right now." :(((((
11. Food and Hunger. "I am hungry, but not for food." repeated several thousand times.
12. "Christian's eyes darkened", "his eyes lit up", "his eyes burned into me", "his eyes were dark and hooded". WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? What are his eyes? Light bulbs? A little of the eyes are fine, but it seemed like Christians' eyes have become an indicator for everything.
13. The sex scenes are repetitive and boring. Always the same stuff.
14. I think the first part of Freed was repeated somewhere in the middle of the book.
15. Ana keeps biting her lips. And Christian kept freeing it. That made up 50% of their kinky adventures. The other 50% consisted of Christian going, "Don't bite your lip, you know what it does to me."
16. Christian spends majority of his time stalking, smsing and emailing Ana. Where did his money come from? Washed in by the tide? For someone so rich, he sure is free.
17. Helicopter!?! There is a first. Cars, motorbikes, jets, cruisers. NOW HELICOPTERS!!!
18. I cannot imagine how either of them looks like. Poor description or poor imagination, you decided. But I have to tell you that I can imagine Edward Cullen before watching the movie, and Bella Swan too.
19. Seems like no one does anything here but have sex. 75% of the book is kissing and sex. And neither of the grown-ups have one dollop of self-control.
20. Jumpy J. thinks that Ana has a low threshold for pain. I think she is ironic. She wants the pain, yet she screams and cries and stuff. How is that? ._______.

Anyway, to be very very fair to the writer, the start of the second book where Ana and Grey are considering whether they should reconcile, also the part where Grey knelt down are really quite well written and it induced much emotions in me. I like how there is the breach of trust, doubt and uncertainty involved and how the parties are in love but afriad to be wounded at the same time. Also, I thought that in Book 3, the part where Ana went on the rescue mission was much better than their usual "kinky fuckery" as they called it, because the incident highlights the care and concern the couple have for each other and the high degree of importance they have for each other in their hearts. It was really touching and heart-warming to see how much Christian cared despite his callousness to Ana after she was confirmed to be pregnant. 

If you are planning to read it, you can probably buy the book or download a free ebook? Unless I know you, otherwise don't ask me to email it to you okay! :O Okay if you subscribe to my blog I may consider. :D

I was thinking that you all shouldn't read it since it was not very nutritional in the first place.

And I don't feel like writing anymore. My pinkie hurts.

If you want more reviews on how this book is not worth your time, read these:
50 reasons why I won't be reading 50 shades of grey
50 shades of grey AWESOME review!

Okay, end of post. (:

Lady Jayne Hair Extensions/ Highlights + Giveaway!(updated)

Sponsored Review

Are you going for Prom?
Or perhaps cos-playing for funfair or just for you own interest?
Tired of having boring black hair all the time but refuses to use colored hair spray?

Worry not! Today I am going to give you the PERFECT, FUSS FREE SOLUTION with Lady Jayne hair highlights, extensions and all sort of hair products to make you feel like a princess!

=cheers from the crowd=

Pretty or not? Close up shot of what you can do with Lady Jayne's Products!

Nice or not? Have the vintage feel right? :)

Streaky vixen violet and purple. :) (my hair)

from top

Some of the original pictures have been replaced due to request from the owner of the picture. :)

The lovely products sponsored by Lady Jayne Singapore(:

Trying out the fringe highlights in He Chen's hair!(:

fringe highlights:)

Purple(:

I am guessing that by now, you girls are probably screaming "Tell me! TELL ME how to make myself so pretty!"

Fret not! Here comes the very simple 3-step instruction on how to insert a highlight, summarised neatly by yours truly.

1. Section a part of the hair where you want the highlight to be.
2. Tease the hair and clip the highlight in.
3. cover the clip with natural hair and smooth your hair with hands for the ultra natural look! :D

And here is a video for you girls to check out! See, I am nice right! (:

Now you have to let me digress a little on how nice QY from Lady Jayne Sg is!
Did you guys know that she took a CAB and came all the way down to my school just to bring us the wonderful products and give us girls a session on how to use the different products? That was so sweet right? And I have think Lady Jayne Sg Facebook Page has the most friendly and efficient admin ever! And she is none other than amazing QY! :)

Okies, back to the topic. :)

For over 80 years, Lady Jayne has provided tip-top hair accessories for girls like us to bling our hair and make ourselves look chio! Can you imagine having boring black hair on Funfair day? Or during prom? I think not! I am sure I saw someone wear neon green highlight during Graces!

Hair extensions?
Highlights?

All these are now available at most Guardian stores & selected Watson Stores (Jcube, Tampines Mall, Raffles City &Causeway point). Unfortunately the clips and the beautiful blings for the hair are not in Singapore yet. =sighs sadly=

But the good news is that the hair extensions and hair highlights can be found in Singapore, so if you are tired of your boring hairstyle, go grab one, and just clip it on!

Hair Highlights and Extensions FAQS

 1. Is it easy to put on the highlights and extensions?

Yes it is! I have tried the highlights and all you have to do is to section your hair, tease it a little, then clip it in! The same method applies to the extensions! How much easier can it get? Way better than getting a permanent streak and ruining your hair right?

2. Is the highlights and extensions reusable?

Yes, the highlights and extensions are totally reusable and can be used over and over again so long as you maintain it well, don't pull on the strands of the hair from the highlights and extensions and don't throw it around! You can store it in the plastic casing that it comes in to prevent it from spoiling. (:

3. Are the highlights and extensions heavy?

The highlights are definitely not heavy, I can tell you girls that. You can barely feel it in your hair if you put in in correctly, meaning not to tightly or get loose strands of your own hair caught in the clip. As for the extensions, I have not tried it, but it should be heavier than the highlights, like Duhhh! It has so much more volume and everything has mass, no? You can't expect to clip in a headful of hair and expect to feel nothing, unless you are a vampire! :D

4. Will the highlights/extensions pull out my hair/ will they hurt my head?

No, if you remove the sections carefully and not just yank it out from the roots of your head, it does not pull out any hair at all. I have done it five or six times and I have not seen more than one to two hair piaooing off. And 1-2 hair is very normal, even when you comb your hair will drop hair right! If the extensions and stuff hurts your head when you clip it is, chances are that you have not clipped correctly, or that you have this strand of hair that is pulled taut inside. Yup:D

 5. How are the quality of the products?

The products are made of synthetic fibers (which I think is better than human hair, personally, I just find it a little freaky to wear human hair). In fact, you can curl and straighten the extensions in any manner you like, but remember not to over heat it for too long! If yours is a new product, then it is normal for one or two strands of the "hair" to come off, yeah? (:

6. Are they expensive?

As compared to highlighting your hair at a salon or buying tie-on hightlights, personally I think this is more convenient and economical, not to mention that it is much less damaging to your hair as compared to dying your hair too often (for permanent streaks). Also, you can change your highlight color daily based on your mood, something you cannot do with the permanent hair dye. (:

There! I hope I have answered most of your queries! With regards to the price and all, I guess you guys can check them out at Guardian or Watsons?

Now, here are some fun things for you all to take part in!

Lady Jayne Facebook Photo Contest

Lady Jayne SG is currently organizing a photo-contest on Facebook, and many participants have taken part! They all sport different types of hair extensions and highlights, and you girls and guys can pop to their facebook page to choose your favorite/ prettiest girl! (please pick someone good looking! She is going to be featured in Women's Weekly, and I am sure you all are as shallow as me and want to ogle at chio people right? So pick someone chio! :D)

Details(:

Attractive Prizes to be won!

Not only that, Lady Jayne held their model runway event at Tampines Mall several weeks back! I wanted to go on the 15th but in the end I didn't because I had a headache and mild flu, and also because I was a little lazy, hehehe. 

During the session, the participants received a makeover session from professionals provided by Lady Jayne Sg and had their nice pictures taken! Not only so, freebies were given and there with a 10% discount on all Lady Jayne products! :D How cool is that? :D

Here are some pictures from the event (kindly provided by QY):

Beautiful Model(:

Raging Red hair highlights.

Volume and Extensions, 30/45cm I cannot tell, should be medium brown based on my research! ;)

There! Volume and Length!

What are you waiting for? Head over to Lady Jayne's facebook page

and check out the =ahem= hot girls and MORE IMPORTANTLY the prizes! Join now if you are interested!

Now....

Don't go....

Because I am doing a.....

GIVEAWAY!!!

=elated cheering from all my readers=

=me puffs up with saint-liness and nods sagely at my fans=

I will be giving away the following pair of clips AND another mystery hairclips!! Do note that the clips are unique in Singapore because they ARE NOT sold in our country! See how unique they are! :D

Pretty!

So what do you have to do? Just follow the instructions and stand a chance to win the pretty hair clips! (:

What you have to do:

1. Like Lady Jayne Sg's Facebook page here and vote for your favorite girl!
2. Subscribe to this blog, see the subscribe button here! :D --->
3. Share this post on twitter and facebook(:
4. Comment in this blog post with your name and email or you can email me at yingyinglai1996@gmail.com, then tell me which is your favorite blog post of mine and which Lady Jayne hair product you like the most!

Please do all these before August 10th and you will stand a chance to win this pretty clips! (: Do note that winners will be notified by mail and you can choose to collect it from me at my school (preferred) or I can mail it to you. :)

Have fun people and many hearts to Lady Jayne Sg's QY for the beautiful highlights, and for coming down to our school and teaching us girls how to beautify our hair! It was a truly fun and interesting experience for all of us! QY is an awesome soul! =nods vehemently=

Okies, see yall everyone!

=hops around the room=

~*~*~*~*~Update on Giveaway~*~*~*~

The winner of  the giveaway is KJW who is actually a guy. I have no idea why a guy wants hair pins for, but maybe he won it for his girlfriend! Congratulations to JW for winning the giveaway and hope your girlfriend will like them!

Also, do you guys know that many of your entries were forfeited because you did not do any of the above steps but to just comment that you want to win? Please do follow my instructions for the next giveaway okay? :) Otherwise your entry is really wasted!

Hope you guys enjoy this and have fun! :)